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When your spouse wont talk…
Relating to each other is not a technique we're born with. It's like
a muscle that needs to be developed over time—and massaged when it
hurts.
If you have a spouse who doesn't want to talk as much as you do, the
following suggestions may help:
- Read about the differences between men and
women, especially as they relate to communication. These
differences are a mystery to almost everyone except God, but they
may help to explain why your spouse tends to be the silent type.
- Learn to not take things too personally.
- Don't overanalyze your partner. You may
think you know what's behind your spouse's unwillingness to talk,
but you can't read his or her mind.
- Talk about your feelings in a
non-accusatory, non-blaming way. To do otherwise will only drive
a reluctant talker further away, especially when it comes to
discussing emotions.
- Ask your spouse what would make him feel
less overwhelmed when it comes to communication. Would it
help if you set aside a regular time for talking? If you waited
until he decompressed after work?
- Ask your spouse for a specific, short
commitment of time. Most reluctant talkers can handle a
conversation if they know it won't last forever. Let your mate set
the limit. You may find that it increases as he or she grows more
comfortable.
- Learn each other's personality type, and
how it shapes communication style. Make the process fun—a
discovery of your uniqueness, not an opportunity to stereotype each
other.
One of the hardest things for couples to learn is to lay down their
lives for each other (see John 15:13) in the mundane world of daily
living (see Romans 12:1). Learning to understand the needs of a spouse
who talks less or more than you do requires sacrifice. It means not
demanding your rights, and loving another as you love yourself. But
these are things we can do because God promises to help us by His Holy
Spirit if we ask.
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